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everything i lack

by Elliott Green

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    "Everything I Lack" is Elliott's sophomore LP, following up a self-released debut "Nothing to Anybody". You may also recognize her from her vocal performance on the last track of the new Mt. Oriander album, where she absolutely steals the spotlight on the album closer "You Don't Have to Keep Trying Anymore."

    Green's new LP feels like the spark that is going to launch her career on fire- each delicate note the tinder that is ignited by her intimate vocal performance. Every song wrapping you up in it the blaze that is her soul being brought to bare. Rejoice, for we are the witnesses.

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    ** THIS ITEM IS A PRE-ORDER. ALL ITEMS ORDERED WITH THIS ITEM WILL NOT BE SHIPPED UNTIL ALL ITEMS ARE IN STOCK. EXPECTED 2/15/23.

    Includes unlimited streaming of everything i lack via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
three in the morning asleep on your floor you ask me what I want I answer you that I’m not sure I’m cold, I don’t wanna go home I wanna feel something I don’t wanna feel so alone all the time I can’t make up my mind if I’m lying to us both when I tell you I’m fine so hold me close I’m not ready to go when you put the wick out I’ll be the last one to know can you help me be close to alright? do you think I could stay the night? I’ll be gone in the morning as if I weren't there you can wash me away like the smoke from your hair when it circles the drain I’ll do the same and be nothing could you give me some friendly advice? how to live when it feels like I’m dying when everything I thought that I had is gone living for somebody else for so long that even I believed it, but god was I wrong gripping my throat while I’m grasping at straws trying to find reasons it took me so long to mean something
2.
Second Try 05:35
you, blowing back smoke into my eyes your bark stings so much louder than your bite I try to sing it back like you said it to me not quite right, ‘cause my voice starts to crack and my ears start to ring it’s a crime you get any sleep at night and if I could write a song that would make you cry like I did, make you wish you could go back in time to the day that we met and do everything right on a second try that I won’t let you get this time me, running on E in the late june heat we don’t speak, you sleep on the couch so our eyes don’t meet you don’t have to see and the carnage and gore laid in our sheets, don’t think about all of the promises you never meant to keep you were lying through your clenched teeth the whole time and if I could write a song that would make you cry like I did, make you wish you could go back in time to the day that we met and do everything right on a second try that I won’t let you get this time
3.
Referee 04:37
I wish that I’d known better than to let myself believe that the person that I was before wasn’t still me I’ve been a stranger in a costume of somebody at peace living my whole life like I’m a kid on halloween I thought that I was miserable because of the drink then I let myself be miserable with full clarity and realized that I was miserable because of me told myself that I was doing good that I was finally living like everybody should maybe I’m better off admitting that it all was pretend like the way that I quit drinking just to start again I know it seems like I’m not trying, I swear the I am I wanna wake up and feel alright tired of paying in the morning for the things I did last night it’s so hard now that I get to set all of the rules for me when nobody’s gonna save me from my own worst enemy when the only thing that I’ve ever been fighting was myself spent so much time thinking it was everybody else’s responsibility to be my referee pushing everyone away so I’d be right when they’d leave throwing punches at the mirror trying to prove something a martyr nobody asked for, there’s no bravery in killing who I was before
4.
Consolation 03:16
you think you’re gonna fix me? you can’t even help me some consolation out of pity I’d rather be alone than let you think that you’re doing this for my sake when we both know what’s really at stake I see how I embarrass you if you feel better I’m embarrassed too the barstools on your birthday I guess I don’t belong there anyway when you know I’d only make a mess so try to tell me that it’s for the best the fairer weather always has to end now that it’s pouring you can’t understand nobody’s gonna save me from me no holy water’s gonna make me clean and I can live without your sympathy don’t think I can without another drink I know you only ever want me as some shining beacon of recover you hold a candle to a life lived clean and I’ll burn it all down pouring gasoline nobody’s gonna save me from me no holy water’s gonna make me clean and I can live without your sympathy don’t think I can without another drink
5.
Goodness 03:30
when I think of goodness I think of you falling asleep on the floor of my room light from the TV painting us blue and in the morning I’m still awake the light from the window washed on your face I trace the line of your form while I wait I wish that I could just stay in one place long enough to remember the streets and the names of all of the places where I’ve stayed the same waiting around for something to change when really the goodness was in everything that I took for granted every day and maybe goodness is just what you make of every improbable day that you get to wake up
6.
No Witnesses 04:15
pull the knife from the wound said “let it bleed” raise you up from the dirt laid at my feet when I do I’ll let you drag me down kicking dust from the pavement into my mouth like a ritual in a liquor store parking lot etched your name to the bathroom floor with my nails dug into a stranger’s skin in the dark under black lights I let you win ‘cause you love to see how much it hurts when I scream in the blackness just makes it worse when I know nobody’s listening testimony with no witnesses I wish that you would kick in my teeth tear out my eyes so that I can’t see when you walk away and leave me here trying to summon a prayer, make you reappear take my voice, break my legs bring me to my knees but please just stay ‘cause you love to see how much it hurts when I scream in the blackness just makes it worse when I know nobody’s listening testimony with no witnesses
7.
when you called me up you were high as a kite you thought I was home, it was midnight when you told me you loved me I knew you were lying but I wanted to believe that thing were alright for once in my life that something was mine too good to be true you were just passing time so pack up your things and set out to leave two years in boxes, it don’t mean a thing all that’s left is the bed that we shared on the floor you said you were bored of me, you wanted more then you went away in the back of a car I’d still drive you if I could, it’s not that far I remember when you said I’m good, that you thought I was living like everyone should so if you changed your mind when you realized who I really am, well then I’m not surprised because I’ve been reduced to some drunken mess in your eyes, I wish I could say I don’t deserve it I held you like smoke in the back of my throat then you left all the same, left me to choke on my pride and my fear and my horrible mind in our empty bedroom you told me goodbye so that we could go home to out separate beds left a hole in my chest where you once laid your head so go on, I don’t need you, your form in my sheets was a ghost I was chasing but I couldn’t keep
8.
Bottom Line 03:21
pull at the sutures drawn too tight to entertain yourself another night and I just love to fight doesn’t matter if I think I’m right why do I try to justify myself to somebody who won’t even try to hear me when I speak my mind? when I said how I feel and it’s not the bottom line I wish I was a narcissist, I wish I really couldn’t help it I did it only out out spite, the worst you could think of me it too kind so I could be anything you say, yeah I’ll play the villain just the way you want. honey, isn’t it fun lying to me and calling it love? but I’m really such a masochist I’d let you do it all again just wanna see how bad it gets, some hideous experiment and I wish I was a narcissist, I wish I really couldn’t help it I did it only out out spite, the worst you could think of me it too kind
9.
Boxer 06:18
jump of a building, I’ll take the fall like a bird in a cage, flightless against the wall of your room I’ve got nothing to prove, I’m an actor sunken eyes, you’re wrapping your hands with a sinewy strand the best that you can but you’re bleeding out, falling down from your stance, you’re a boxer tell me who clipped your wings, placed you under that glass? who quelled your fire to make you so harmless and tame like like an animal locked in a cage? who stole the once rosy glow from your face? ten miles high on a balcony you sit smoking your last cigarette of the evening choke on the ash while you look at the sky, the smoke dancing all alone in a queen size bed, did you fill the space that my body left? are you happier now than you ever were then? you’re a champion are you reborn? did you find the light from before? pull it out from my eye to take what’s yours did you find some holy retribution at my expense? are you the lucky one? left holding the gun after it’s said and done are you absolved of all fault? far above it all, such sagely wisdom so devout is this what you call love? or as close as it gets? to use everyone up until they’ve got nothing to give? you say you want love, that’s not what you’ll get you get something that’s tolerable and then you live with it
10.
Final Recap 04:05
I let you leave ‘cause it was easier that way you wanted me to give you something I already gave away I only wanted to avoid it, couldn't stand to add another disappointment to my list so scratch them to the wall, count up all the times I let it all fall apart on purpose, just so that I wouldn’t have to be the one to admit that it’s not working and at least I could say that I tried I spent the weekend feeling sorry for myself ‘cause I couldn’t bare the thought of seeing you with someone else I only wish you hadn’t dragged it out severed it instead of telling me that we could work it out so play it back, a final recap of everything I lack I didn’t know that you were filming the full collapse of everything that I thought that I had but it’s nothing like a movie no title card, no comfort in the ending or the start but you could still give it a rating in numbered stars to quantify the value of our scars I wouldn’t wanna keep you waiting ‘cause honey I know how you’re so committed to believing nothing lasts, how you’d rather sleep alone at night than let me hold you back from getting everything you want so baby go have fun. go on and meet someone and get lonely with them too

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released January 27, 2023

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